Pat the Bat

Another Philly story, but I had to pass this along. From Deadspin.com:

The biggest jolt to the Phillies lineup this year, however, has to be Pat Burrell's engagement. The stories of Burrell's swordsmanship are legendary in the Philadelphia area. You can't bump into somebody within a 50-mile radius of Philadelphia who doesn't have a story. They all start the same: At a club, usually involving a 20-something stunner sidling up at the bar, then, enter ... the Bat. Next thing you know, she's got herself box seats behind home plate and is hanging out with Burrell and Jason Michaels 'til 4 a.m. doing kamikaze shots down the Jersey Shore. One friend-of-a-friend story included Pat leaving her a present the next day after one drunken libidinous night with The Bat -- his Valtrex. But an even more vintage Bat story is this second-hand gem:

The story goes: A few guys were on a business trip in Pittsburgh. A couple of the guys knew the Phils were in town, so when they all spotted Burrell at a club there one night, it wasn't a total surprise. Pat ended up taking a liking to one of the girls in their group. She thought he was hot but didn't follow baseball. He took her back to his hotel room, and a make-out session ensued until she alerted Pat that she would NOT do him. Not fazed by this, Burrell seemed to respect her chastity, and rather than force himself on her or fly into a blueball rage, he asked a simple question, glancing down at his engorged pants: "Mind if I take care of business?"

The horrified woman didn't stay the night, letting Pat, take care of his business on his own.