Where in the World is...New Lib?

Okay, I'm cleaning out my inbox, came across this and realized it's never been shared with the whole league. So, for those of you always wondering where the hell New Libertatia was, here ya go from Capt. Klong himself:

"As for the location of my team, that would be what is known in the real world as Gardiner's Island, which is in between the tips of Long Island's forks. The story in NFSL world is that a descendant of the famous privateer Captain Kidd found his ancestor's buried treasure on the island (where he supposedly did actually bury some loot) from an old map handed down through the generations and used it to buy the island from the Gardiner's, ending their 300+ year family reign there, and start a baseball team for the fledgling NFSL. In keeping with the pirate theme to honor his forebearer (and for the marketing potential), he renamed the island after the mythical pirate's utopia thought to be based in Madagascar. Hence, New Libertatia is born. I may have thought about this a little too much, but that should help you out."

What Would David Wright Do?

Click here. (It's on Salon.com. Hopefully, you can view it without any trouble.)

Power Rankings IV

1. Simpsonville Slayers (Last Ranking: 2)

• Opened up the biggest division lead thanks in large part to their tie fetish (If a tie is like kissing your sister, 17 ties must be, what, third base at least, right?). Neck and neck with the Shepherds but get the edge for loitering around the top spot all year. Not much should change as the two teams play Ridge and St. Olaf this week.
  

2. Westphalia Shepherds (4)

• Rung-by-rung they've climbed the ladder, finally grabbing Setauket's ankle and yanking. Really hard. Now that they're on top, time to see how long and hard they can keep yanking.
  

3. Setauket Horde (1)

• Wah wah wah...there's a Power Rankings curse...wah wah wah...it's not fair...goo goo gaa gaa...I poopied in my diaper.
  

4. Ninth Street Nine (3)

• There's something about Paul that I just don't trust. Maybe it's the fact that you can't trust him. Whatever it may be, I can see the competitive spirit reawakened and, speaking from experience, that's not good for anyone--man, woman, or pre-op trannie. Don't say I didn't warn you.
  

5. Shaolin Empire (7)

• Finally getting some breathing room from Bay Ridge...and Pequash has decided to get all up in their grill. You know, it's hard to build an empire when you can't get any alone time.
  

6. Mattituck Natives (6)

• Evidently, cruise control won't be a problem. Being in a godawful division will do that, I guess. Poor Satchel Paige. First, segregation, Now, this.
  

7. Nassau Chin Music (5)

• A merciless mauling by the Panthers has left them bloodied and clinging to a 2.5 game lead. Like Mattituck, they've had a pretty easy going of it all season. Unlike Mattituck, they have to deal with...
  

8. Riverhead Red Streaks (13)

• Big Red is on the warpath, so take cover, you young whippersnappers. This is how a real man plays make believe team owner. 2.5 games back? Oh, it's on, son--old school style.
  

9. Pequash Panthers (9)

• Further proof that it's the quiet ones you have to watch. Not too closely because it might trigger their repressed rage and the next thing you know they'll be screaming at you to put the lotion in the basket. A win this week against 9th St. will prove last week's Nassau massacre was legit.
  

10. Kohler Toilet (14)

• Smart money was always on this team to make a run. Over .500, but stuck in a tough division, this is a wild card or bust situation, folks. And it's never a good idea to bust a flowing toilet.
  

11. Hampton Bay Bambinos (8)

• They might want to look into this new thing called "momentum" because it just might help them with the bad case of mediocrity they can't seem to shake.
  

12. Bay Ridge Wopdagos (10)

• Stumbling and bumbling into 3rd place since his wedding has caused many to wonder if the team owner still has the stuffed shells to play with the big boys. Maybe he can discover a pitcher while out pricing duvet covers at Bed Bath & Beyond this weekend.
  

13. Browntown Fudge Dragons (12)

14. North Babylon Generals (11)

• For what it's worth, the best team under .500. Still within striking distance, but like a lot of teams in this part of the list, they have to do something if they hope to do anything. Oh, if you were wondering, what it's worth is a bag of dirt and a slightly used spork.
  

15. Coram Crushers (19)

• Actually, an impressive run of late especially considering where they came from (downtown WasteofSpaceville). I sense a team itching to play spoiler down the stretch and maybe buy a house in the suburbs of Respectibilicity. And if there's one thing I know, it's itching.
  

16. Philadelphia Kane Nines (18)

• News that $14 million dollar staff ace Chris Carpenter will miss the rest of an already blown season does nothing but add a few more tears to an already overflowing pot o' tears. There's always next year, but then again, there was this year and we see what they did with that.
  

17. Ridge Ducks (16)

• We waited very patiently for this team to get it together, but enough already. Maybe they're not really as bad as their record. And maybe David Wells isn't as fat as his stomach.
  

18. St. Olaf Dutch Ovens (20)

• We're not last! We're not last! Now only 31.5 games out of first place! But, more importantly, they have a 2 spot cushion from the basement in the Power Rankings. Small victories, kids, small victories.
  

19. Laurel Leathernecks (17)

• Who knew Tom was such a masochist? How else to explain starting a league just to get publicly humiliated. He could have saved himself a lot of trouble by just fellating a goat on the LIE during morning rush hour.
  

20. New Libertatia Swashbucklers (15)

• Since he's on his honeymoon, I'll ignore his team's ineptitude and say something nice: if your wife married you while you were this pathetic, she must really love you. Or you're hung like Uncle Miltie.
  

BEWARE OF THE CURSE!!!

You have seen the results of the SI and Madden curse, but nothing compares to the POWER RANKING CURSE. First it happened to Ninth Street and then to Simpsonville and now Setauket. Once named #1 DOOM immediately follows. Setauket has taken poundings since being rated #1. Beware to the next victim!!!

Your 2007 NFSL All-Star Team

Catcher
Victor Martinez
(Shaolin) 6

Jorge Posada 3
Russ Martin 3
Paul LoDuca 1




First Base
Prince Fielder (Westphalia) 12

Justin Morneau 1






Second Base
Chase Utley
(Philadelphia) 13








Third Base
Alex Rodriguez
(Bay Ridge) 13















Shortstop
Jose Reyes
(Nassau) 7

Hanley Ramirez 3
Carlos Guillen 1
J.J. Hardy 1
Derek Jeter 1








Outfield
Vlad Guerrero (St. Olaf) 11
Magglio Ordonez (Mattituck) 10
Matt Holliday (Browntown) 6

Ichiro 3
Carlos Lee 2
Barry Bonds 1
Grady Sizemore 1
Ken Griffey Jr. 1
Hunter Pence 1
Alfonso Soriano 1
Gary Sheffield 1
Carlos Beltran 1


Starting Pitcher
Brad Penny (Nassau) 9
C.C. Sabathia (Kohler) 8
Jake Peavy (Browntown) 7
Josh Beckett (Mattituck) 7
Johan Santana 6
Dan Haren 6
John Lackey 2
John Maine 2
Justin Verlander 1
Cole Hamels 1
Erik Bedard 1
Chris Young 1
Ben Sheets 1



Relief Pitcher
Francisco Cordero (Shaolin) 9
J.J. Putz (Hampton Bay) 8
Francisco Rodriguez (Mattituck) 7
Jon Papelbon (Laurel) 7

Takashi Saito 6
Billy Wagner 5
Jose Valverde 4
Scott Shields 2
Pedro Feliciano 1
Trevor Hoffman 1
Hideki Okajima 1
Joe Borowski 1